I’m not exactly sure how it happened but within the last 8 months, my life has changed drastically.  It began in February – Valentine’s Day to be exact.  I had just wrapped up a trip to Phoenix, Arizona and I was trying to make it home for Valentine’s dinner with my ex (somewhere along the lines we had begun talking again).  My plane landed about 9 pm and I drove straight to his apartment, wearily and mindful of the roller coaster of emotions that seeing him always brought.  We had tried to get back together several times and we could never get it to work.  Either I was too hurt or he was too stubborn and even though we both felt pulled to each other, it wasn’t worth the effort.  By this time I was just going with things, not really expecting much of anything but too tired to keep protesting. 

He had made me lamb, potatoes, rolls and salad for dinner and he hung twinkle lights and lit candles.  He put a lot of work into it and it was nice.  That night I think things changed.  In the next few weeks, we slowly tested the water and then soon fell back into couple mode.  It took a lot of effort, a lot of compromising, and a little bit of fighting, but we struggled through and stuck together.  Things were going very well.  In April for my 26^th birthday he took me to Disney World.  In May we went to New York City and Montauk (and I also quit my job).  In July we went to the beach and in August he proposed. 

See what I mean about life changing drastically?  Right now I’m busy planning a wedding! 

Maybe there are such things as happy endings….

P.S. We’re getting married on Valentine’s Day 2009.

Life is strange.

I am in the wrong line of work.  I am not a people person but my job is extremely social.  I have to talk, smile, look, sound and appear intelligent 8-12 hours a day – I’m pretty much a company cheerleader (and I’m actually good at it)… But honestly, the whole bit is just one big illusion.  I hate every second of speaking with people, giving presentations and most of all, shaking hands with every sweaty, greasy, nerdy person that I meet.  During my lunch breaks I am usually surrounded by other recruiters who will not just let me sit in peace to eat my lunch and relax… n o , they want to talk about everything under the sun even though I’ve just spent the last 3-4 hours talking and desperately need to rest my voice.  Lunch time with recruiters is just another big social event.  I was not in the mood for all that today, so I took my lunch and went and found the only empty/quiet room down the hall that I could find.  I had only been sitting in there a few minutes when a guy with the same idea found my room.  He walked in and then laughed at how antisocial I was being but turned out he didn’t feel like being asked a million questions while he was trying to eat lunch either.  We talked (nothing work related) and laughed and I bonded more with him that I ever would've been able to in a room full of robot recruiters.  Isn't that what relationship building is about?  Not who can talk the most, but who can inspire feelings the most.  Someone should spread the word...      

I got home from Auburn about 11:30 last night.  I did a small load of laundry, fed the cats, threw away the extra chunky, extra moldy, extra stinky milk from the fridge then got into bed.  I was asleep in less than a minute.  The ringing phone woke me up around 3 a.m.  It was my future brother-in-law telling me to get dressed because he and my sis were coming over.  I, being in a state of complete disorientation and confusion just said, “why, what are we doing?”  It only took me a few seconds to realize that the tornado sirens were going off.  I’ve grown up with tornados being the norm, but they still scare the crap out of me.  We sat up for about 2 hours watching the weather and by then there was no point in any of us going back to sleep since they had to go to work and I had to catch a plane.  So anyways, I only got about 2 ½ hours of sleep last night and have been entirely way too grumpy all day today.  Travelling is taking its toll on me.  I’ve about decided that I want to marry a rich guy, quit my job and stay at home watching Rachel Ray, Ellen DeGneres and Live with Regis and Kelly every day….

Just kidding

Kind of.

I am back at Auburn University.  I had to travel on a Sunday because I have a campus event first thing in the morning.  I feel like my whole life has pretty much become my job.  I work and I travel, that’s about it.  It’s hard now to believe that only a year ago, I had been wishing for this. 

There are so many things weighing on my heart right now and I feel so confused -- about work, in love, about God….

What’s possible and what’s impossible?  What is logical and what’s illogical?  What’s important and what’s unimportant?  I feel like I’m not exactly sure where to set my boundaries.  What should my goals be?  What will make me happy?  How can I contribute most to society?  How can I best use my abilities and strengths?  Have I done anything good and useful with my life so far or have I just been wasting time?  And why am I so hesitant to do the things that I actually know are right?  Time moves so fast but yet I move so slow.  On second thought, maybe I am standing still.  What’s the speed limit, God?  Maybe I need a push in the right direction.  Help me out here.