Wednesday, 14 February 2007

• I pretty much hate Valentine’s Day more than any other day of the year.

   

  I’ve only gotten one Valentine in my entire 24 years.  It was a homemade card in the shape of a heart.  The person used glue and markers to make it and left it anonymously in my locker back in high school.  Other girls were parading around vases of roses, teddy bears or balloons but I had a homemade card.  I was ecstatic.  Someone had actually put time into making me something!          

   

  That’s not why I hate Valentine’s Day.    

   

  I hate it because you wake up filled with anticipation and excitement.  You think that the day will be filled with hearts and kisses.  Even if you are single, you still think, “today will be magical” because love is magical and that’s what the day is about!  You take a little bit of extra time fixing your hair or putting on makeup in the morning…maybe you even wear a red or pink shirt to show your spirit.  You can’t wait to see what surprises the day has in store.  If you have a boyfriend, you expect flowers or a sing-o-gram.  If you are single, you expect that the guy down the hall will finally declare that he’s always had a secret crush on you but has been too scared to admit it until today as he brings you a box of chocolates.  It’s more about expectation than anything really.    

   

  But in reality, Valentine’s Day is just another day.  It isn’t magical.  It isn’t filled with love, chocolate, flowers or proposals.  It’s just a day.  And at the end of that day, you’ll be going home empty handed like every other day… to an empty apartment whereas there is no candle light dinner waiting as you’ve imagined.  Or maybe you go home to your boyfriend who says he didn’t get you anything but that “we” can go shopping after Valentine’s Day is over so that everything is half off.  Nope.  It’s just another day where you hope big but receive disappointment. 

   

  Still, even as your head hits the pillow at bedtime you’re already thinking, “next year will be different!” 

  Life is cruel.

   

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  In the lunch line today the guy next to me turns and says, “so you’re all alone now, right?”  My eyes got real wide.  My first thought was how in the world does he know I am single?  Do I look desperate?  Do I look sad?  Lonely?  How can he tell I’m alone?  That’s an awfully mean thing to say on Valentine’s Day of all days.  I’m already deciding in my mind that I’m never going back down to the cafeteria by myself again when he says, “Stacey left today right?”  Stacey is the girl I work with.  She left today to go on maternity leave.

  Yes, I am all alone.            

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